In 1996, Joni Miller sent me a letter sharing thoughts about her life. Being who I am, I copied the idea and every year around my birthday, I review and renew it.

Truth be told — this list has not changed much over the years. I have a great life and am grateful for it.

The biggest change I see is that I no longer work for money. I will say being retired is grand. Days fly by and I need the calendar to know which day we put out the re-cycle and garbage bin. Ken and I are fortunate enough to be able to do anything we want to and I have him to thank for that great gift.

As I look at this list and I can honestly say, the quality of my day makes up the quality of my year — which in turn are making up the quality of my life, and so far… so very good.

May I present the 2017 list:
I am grateful because:
(the only real change is #7. #2 gets much more of my attention and #10 varies. I added #11)
1. I am married to Ken Parker who continues to entertain me and make me laugh. He said I never took to the leash yet, I am happily tethered to him.
2. All the critical parts of my body are intact and healthy. When my parts do act up, I know who to call for help and healing.
3. We live debt free in a safe and beautiful environment.
4. I am a Canadian and a US Citizen and I vote.
5. My last drink was in 1984 and my life is better for it.
6. I am not cold or hungry; we have enough to share.
7. I am paid to teach, hence I am paid to learn.
8. My friends are generous and kind.
9. I take time each day to walk, read and write.
10. I have a daily practice that nourishes me.
11. Boze the doggy, has added great joy to our home.

A short list of things I’ve learned:
(all still true, but with #8, I’ll also add, I’ve learned to acknowledge that I know stuff, and #9 is not as important to me — having stuff is fun. I’m a born sorter, so stuff comes and goes)
1. There are lots of ways to become educated.
2. To be a good friend, you just have to pay attention.
3. Go where you are celebrated, not tolerated.
4. A personal practice is personal.
5. Cancer sucks.
6. Error on the side of generosity.
7. Some times I am very inappropriate.
8. There is always more to learn.
9. Wanting less, is still wanting.
10. I cry and miss them when they die.

I am surprised by:
(only one item stayed on this list from years past)
1. The fact that I am 62!
2. My brother Art.
3. How many quilts I’ve made and the joy I feel when I give them away.
4. How much of a homebody I’ve become.
5. The fact I can cook!
6. How tight I still hold on to silly resentments
7. My need for health professionals
8. How little I like driving
9. How much I still love Facebook.
10. How great it is to be surprised.

I’m so glad to have:
(Okay, some changes here. I have added #11. Re: #6 – I don’t use the cuss word asshat much — my go to cuss word is fuck – specifically –  #trumpyoufucker. and with #8 – Not having many addicts in my life is just fine too.)
1. A handy fix-it type husband.
2. The same best friend for over 40 years.
3. Daily check ins.
4. Skype
5. A debt free life style
6. The cuss word: Asshat!
7. A sense of curiosity.
8. Morning Qigong with addicts.
9. A public and private notebook.
10. Windows to look out of.
11. My brothers Art and Ty

I’ve let go of the desire to:
(No changes here… okay I still kinda hope for #5.)
1. Get a formal education.
2. Weigh 135 pounds.
3. Master anything.
4. Fill every empty space.
5. Have Oprah give me anything.

I’d still like to:
(Okay – we’ve got some changes and two addition.)
1. Sing backup like a do-wop girl or a Pip. (I’d rather be a judge on a baking show!)
2. Make a JanJimJam CD of the Yang weapons drills. (This should be moved to the Let go paragraph)
3. Add to my tattoo. (Meh, if it happens okay, but I won’t go looking.)
4. See Today’s Step in the aftercare programs of treatment centres everywhere. (Done and done)
5. Write to just write, read just to read, sing just to sing, walk just to walk. (No change)
6. Move. (I’m happy here — for now.)
7. Clear out the stuff in the Harry Potter room… again. (How many people reading this even know where the Harry Potter room is?)
8. Participate in one of those public flash dances. (This I will leave on the list.)
9. Added –  I’d like to be more generous and be able to let go of pissy resentments easier.
10. I’d love to see a Roughrider reunion one day!
 
In the coming year-
I continue to aspire
I hope to continue to enjoy the wisdom of Rob Brezsny and strive to:
1. Cultivate Relaxed Alertness
2. Express Casual Perfection
3. Fill myself with Diligent Indifference
4. Practice Serene Debauchery.
5. Continue to look out windows.

My great gratitude to Ken. I love you to the moon! Also love to the amazing friends I am lucky enough to have, and to my brothers, who make family easy now! And a big salute to everyone who reads this bloggy thing. Thank you!

Today is Joe’s birthday.

For those who don’t know, Joe is my spiritual advisor, and the main reason I will never ascend. (Even with the help of the ascension sling.)

I will say that in the 40 years I’ve known Joe, he has never failed to entertain or make me laugh.

The words of my AA sponsor, Polly D. come to mind when I think of Joe. She told me more than once,  “Don’t worry honey, we’re not laughing with you.”

Joe, if you are reading this — Happy birthday!

We don’t have a present for you yet. I’m still stumped for ideas ever since Ken’s mom died, and we can’t pass on a three pack of Fruit of the Loom underwear for you. Oh, it used to be so easy!

But, I promise, I will dig around the house, and find something that will keep until you visit. When you get here, we will celebrate you in fine style.

Ken and I love you very much. We wish you a huge slice of hula pie and loads of attention today!

“Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it.”
“There is no bad weather — only inappropriate clothing.”

As I look out the window this lovely May day, all I can think of is, we should put on some carols, get the decorations out, bake cookies, and start thinking about putting up a tree.

We had better weather last Christmas. (Actually, it was still horrible, but at least it was expected.)

Today, it’s pouring again. Our garden is boring and soggy, our lawn needs mowing again, the dog is not interested in getting out for anything other than fast business, and I’m having trouble getting my 10,000 steps in.

When Ken and I first moved to Oregon from Colorado, we did a few silly things in anticipation of living in a rain forest.

We didn’t know what it would be like, so I cut my hair so it would frizz! We left our cactus plants in Colorado because we thought only ferns would grow where we were heading, and we stocked up on rubber boots, plastic jackets and umbrellas.

Now, after living in a temperate climate for well over 30 years, we’ve learned, my hair is frizzy no matter the length, you can plant a two by four and grow a fence, rubber boots are a good idea, and while we have loads of umbrella, we rarely use them.

We get used to the dark and wet days for most months of the year — but honestly… come May… it is time for lilacs and flip flops.

Justin Trudeau promised us “Sunny ways” when he accepted the Prime Ministers office.

It may not have the same weight of lie as tRump did when he swore to uphold the US constitution, but I have to tell you –
Mr. Prime Minister… bring on those sunny ways!

I don’t want to have to write a stern letter, but we’re a little soggy here on the Sunshine Coast!

People ask if we miss Bowen Island.

My answer is no. We do not miss living on Bowen Island, we do however, miss our friends there very much.

Leaving a community that we had been part of for almost 20 years was the hard part of moving off the rock. It was nice knowing people well enough, that we could knock on their door at anytime, share meals, and exchange pet care, go for walks, and laugh. Friends — we miss our friends.

Sechelt has been home for over two years now.

We moved here knowing only a few people. One was our realtor, who we’ve not seen since. Chris and Grace, owned the now closed Carrot and Bean cafe, and have since moved off the coast. And Sarah and MayLyn, a serendipitous treat, who we learned lived here, after we moved in through Facebook!

Last night, I walked around our neighbourhood, and marvelled, as I could not get very far without someone saying hi, and stopping to chat.

As I walked, I ran into Jim and Bonnie, then the other Bonnie. When I passed the park I chatted with Ann for a few minutes. On the home stretch, I met the new neighbours Chris and Deanna, who just moved in where Mac moved out. Then I waved to Veronica as well as June and Bob.

Meeting people in a new community takes time, making friends takes longer.

Contrary to popular belief – I’m shy and not really good at introducing myself. Okay, I can introduce myself, but follow up for me is harder. I’m not good at asking folks over for tea or dinner. Ken and I don’t entertain or socialize much at all. We are real homebodies.

Yet, as I finished up my evening walk last night, I realized we’ve done it — we’ve made new friends.

Not just in our neighbourhood either. Ken has friends from his woodworkers guild, me from various classes and hikes.

I’m happy to say, it’s happened — We know some people well enough to call or knock on their door, share meals, laugh, and exchange pet care.

Basically, have friends here! We are part of the coast community.

Life is good in Sechelt and I’m pretty darn happy!

I do not get surprised very often.

But, I got a good one today.

Patti Brown made this coconut birthday cake, with a fantastic quilting theme for me!

Surprised? You bet I was.

My birthday is still a week. Let the good times roll!

I’m at that in-between place in life.

You know the place where you finish one book, and want to start another, but are still attached to the old book and getting into the next one is hard.

This is the place in life where I find I nix a lot of good books. If they don’t grab me right away or pass certain criteria – I put them down, maybe prematurely.

I realize when choosing a new book, there is a check list I run through.

I look first to recommendations from friends. Then I check out the art work on cover. I have to really like it.

I used to choose wine by the label, until I found box wine was working and cheaper! My brother Art taught me to buy record albums by the cover. It’s a great way to be introduced to a lot of odd and wonderful music.

The description written on the jacket is another place I give a nod or toss. If the words, war, fantasy or violence are mentioned, I pass. It doesn’t necessarily matter if I’m into the book already and war, fantasy or violence comes up — but if they are selling points — nope.

Award winning books get positive attention from me, as do first time authors and authors I’ve read before. (if I liked them.)

Last night, I started a new book. I was excited. The book was recommended by a friend, the cover was cool. The jacket description was interesting, and the author is one whose work like. It met all my checks.

So I settled in. Then realized this book was missing the most important criteria I pay attention to when choosing a book. I was sad and knew I’d have to find a different book.

Font size matters.

Reading is hard enough – I will not struggle with tiny type set on the page.

I have a feeling I am passing up a good read, but so be it.

Font size matters.

I’m just saying.

“Are you keeping track?”
“Did you write it down? Do you see a pattern?”

It is no secret I’ve had head trouble this year.

I had a reprieve of symptoms for almost 3 months, but then the headaches and thump came back.

Why?

“Maybe it is the air pressure — why don’t you start a chart?” “Keep track of the good days — and notice the bad ones, maybe you can figure this out.”

Now, I love a chart. I have notebooks galore! But… I admit that a few days into recording the barometric pressure the readings of 102.4, 102.1, 101.6 to 101. Means nothing to me.

My dad used to joked – 2 plus 2 is 4 – What’s a 4?

I’ve run the gauntlet of western medicine and the good news is, they can tell me what I don’t have. No cancers, no tumour. The rest is a big fat question mark and a “keep me posted”. At least that is covered by our MSP.

Monica was the most help. She even gave me some possible answers and tagged my troubles to the local dentist here. Her hands are so smart, healing, and convincing. She helped. The problem is Monica and I live in different towns and we take an 11 hour trip to see her. The trips are worth it, but …

Patrick is on the coast also has smart hands too — he helps. I continue to see him on a regular basis.

I saw a chiropractor for some really intense treatments — meh

I saw a natural-path — she helped, as did the homeopathic remedies she prescribed. Cranial sacral treatments help. Melt helps.

A lot of treatments help, and I’m grateful for them.
What I want though, is to feel clear. I want a cure. I want this done.

I watch everything now — maybe coffee is the culprit, sugar, or wheat. Do I need more exercise, qigong, tai chi or aerobics? How about popping an Advil? I’ve been offered, and said no to steroids and anti-psychotics. I was told not to drink booze or eat fried foods.

I did say no to a few things. I’m not doing the fungi cleanse or the coffee enema that was suggested.

“Are you keeping track? Do you have a record?”

Now, acupuncture. I found a traditional one. She is very good, and has flat out said, she can help, and that it won’t be cheap. She also said Chinese torture will be involved. (Her words) She has said, my qi is very low, blames my leg injury from years ago and also feels the dentist exacerbated it. I’m in, even though the “torture” part scares me.

Some days are much better than others, that’s for sure. Still, I’ve yet to have a super clear or clean day in almost a year now.

Ken says my progress towards well being is gradual, but true.

I think he keeps track better than I do.

I’m on Bowen Island. I’m dog sitting Moser while Marian goes on her own adventure.

I’ve not told a lot of people I’m here. I’m taking a bit of a quiet retreat. My plan is to walk, read, and nap. Basically, my plan is not to engage with too many humans.

Super early this morning, Moser and I took a long walk on the mountain side of Cape Roger Curtis. We wandered in the bush, both on trails and bushwhacking our own.

It is nice knowing there are no bears, or cougars on the island. I did smell skunk and that was a Bowen first for me, but it’s a delight knowing we could go anywhere we want to. The only real risk out there, would be in falling and hurting something important, or maybe bringing home a tick.

I started walking the cape when we first moved to Bowen in 1996, it was really different from what it is today. Yet, even with the changes, it is still one of the most beautiful places in the world to be.

When developers came knocking on the door at the cape, there were a few years my heart could not take being out there. Too many trees cut down, and too many roads created and paved over. But when I became hiking buddies with Sue, she got me going again.

Sue and I would go for what I called, “forced marches!” Sue was fearless, and we were rarely on a trail. She would picked a direction (usually up hill) and hiked. I’d follow her, whining the entire way!

I’m not sure when I quit whining, but I did start hiking the cape, almost every day. Sometimes I was with Sue, but often I went on my own. I have Sue to thank for encouraging me to be brave enough to blaze trails of my own.

I won’t say I’ve ever been lost on the cape — but, I have been confused, as to which way I should go next. Lucky for me, It didn’t matter, because I always knew I was safe and I always made it home.

The development is still heartbreaking, but to their credit, they also developed some terrific trails there as well. And because so many trees have been cut, the views have really opened up, and because not many of the zillion dollar lots have sold — there are loads of places to explore.

Out walking today — my main thought was how much I missed being in the woods alone. It was great breathing deeply, feeling my legs work, but most of all, feeling safe. I never once had to worry about rounding a corner and meet a mama and her cubs.

I have no regrets about moving to Sechelt. I love it there. There are loads of great hikes and trails to explore on the coast as well. I’ve been on many, just not alone. There are too many bears, cougars and critters on the coast  that hiking alone, is not a safe option.

So, instead of writing any more about this,I think Moser and I will head out to the cape again.

But first, we need a little snack.

This morning, I looked out our front window and was struck by the beauty of the day. This happens quite often.

We live in a gorgeous place, have a nice view, and when it isn’t raining or cloudy, well, WOW.

So, as I marveled at the beauty, I also wondered what fresh hell the world is going through today. I wondered how my will head feel, what complaint or joy I will share, and I knew without a doubt that I would turn away from the window, and find out.

Ken and I were watching a show on TV last night about the Ganges River. It was one of those nature shows, that film close ups of water flowing, while someone narrates, in a calm and soothing voice.

The photography of the area was stunning. Then the people came into view and I said, “None of those people give a fuck about what Trump or Christi Clark are doing.” And I thought how great it would be if I didn’t either.

Religious customs were featured; many of them connected to the river. The narrator went on and on about pilgrimages to “sacred spaces” and “magical forests, valleys and mountains”.

I don’t know what I want to say about this — but I am pondering.

Places are just places. Yes, some are more beautiful than others, but magical and sacred are adjectives people give to place. That doesn’t make them so.

For me, a mountain, ocean, and blue sky make for a super pretty place. But, so does a desert and a rock. Nature is pretty, but an earthquake, flood, or volcano – not so much.

Throw religion into the mix and some say you now have a scared place. Add some music and a close up of flowers, or running water and you get a magical place.

I gave up my spiritual search years ago. It was too disappointing at every turn. Honestly, I feel more comfort with the reality of life — even one filled with nut-bars, mean people, pre-existing conditions, and lava.

I think we’re all looking for what ever gives comfort. For some, a belief in magical beings or thinking a place is sacred… helps.

Granted, looking out our window, I feel more comfort than when I think about the GOP, Christi Clark, or the cluster health fuck going on in my head again.

Yet, comfort is hard to maintain. I tend to screw it up by engaging the world. I turn on the news, or read Facebook, I don’t pass up that cookie or bag of chips, I find pleasure in complaining.

Once again — balance is challenging — do I want to be informed or do I want to be comfortable? Do I want to drink coffee and eat sugar or do I want my head to stop hurting?

I know what I really want. I want do anything and everything, I want to do, when I want to do it, AND I want to be comfortable, strong and healthy the entire time. I also, want mean people to just be nice.

Is this too much to ask?