November 6th, 2012 by Jan

I’m back in New Mexico. Dad made it one day on his own, before the ambulance had to come and take him to the ICU with chest pains again.

I think the fear of being alone outweighed good sense and he made and kept dates for breakfast, lunch and dinner out with friends. He also went to a craft show, took a walk, and of course there was the daily trip to the post office, grocery store and misc. Other chores that MUST get done before the world blows up. My dad cannot accept he is not 35 years old and has serious heart problems.

Type triple A personalities with heart disease have it hard in my opinion.

He told me he HAS to learn to relax — but that it’s really hard. I said, a lot of things that are worth while are hard, but we do what we need to do. So, I told my 87 year old dad to “suck it up buttercup, sit down and calm the fuck down!”

He hears me when I speak to him like that, then habit strikes and manic obsession kicks in. Learning new ways IS hard, no matter your age or circumstance. And the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. I had to hear, “drop your shoulders” more than once and still my shoulders could drop a little bit more.

He not only needs to change, he says he wants to, so I am doing my best to bring some of what I know into his life.

It’s all practice.

What we practiced today: When the phone rings, let that be a trigger to wait… take a breath…. allow it to ring two times…. maybe even three … then answer it.

I swear, I saw a vein pop!

Well, we make a little progress everyday.

2 thoughts on “ringring

  1. Jenny

    My phone ain’t ringin’, but I hear you, Jan.

    When my stepfather entered a hospice facility a few short weeks before he drew his last breath, his daughter gave some sound advice to the staff. “If you want my dad to be miserable, turn on the TV and tell him to sit down and watch it. If you want him to be happy, give him a stack of junk mail and something to open it with.”

    He died with his wallet in one hand, his keys in another, and a soft smile on his face.

  2. Jim

    Due respect to Master Jou’s quote that you end with, I think you pretty well trumped him with “suck it up buttercup, sit down and calm the fuck down!”.

    Point red.


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