February 26th, 2016 by Jan

There are about 2 million things I think about each day.

The funny part is that 1,999,999 of them, I’ve thought about before and probably will continue to think about.

This last month though, there has been one thought that underlies every other thought. It permeates all other thoughts.

I hurt.

Now, even though, I’ve thought about the two eagles I see in the same tree around the same time each day, and I think about the sunrise and set that we are so fortunate to catch from our house, or about the spring flowers coming up in the garden, and the dog poop in green plastic bags that are tossed “just out of the way,” but not really.

I’ve thought about my new habit of going to the pool and the new friends I am making there and am impressed with the concern of others when one doesn’t show up.

I think about how yoga is sooooo boring, even with a cool instructor and I think about the different books I’m reading.

I think about what is going on in the U.S. and am terrified. It is way beyond funny and is down right horrid.

I think about Ken. I watch him around the house. I think about cooking and sorting, I think about our friends and travel and taxes and money and laughter and love…

but, more than anything, these days, I think about myself and the pain I feel in my mouth.

I hurt. I’m not feeling great and haven’t for —over a month. I’ve got a bad tooth and have been to the dentist twice for it so far. I’m going back again in a few hours, and am the subject at dental “study group”.

From what I understand, study group means that dentists besides my own, will have a poke at it.

I am hoping for resolution.

I want to keep my teeth for as long as is possible — and yet – I’m at the point where I’d be fine if someone just yanked it out today.

I’m tried of feeling weary, thinking about it and not feeling my best. Especially when I have every reason in life to be happy and well.

I truly believe I will never be one of those strong “fighters” who battle illness or pain. No one will ever comment on my bravery.

I’m a wimp and hate not feeling good. Pain shoves out every thought worth thinking.

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