My bloggy thing â€” my thoughts. I will say what I mean and mean what I say, and forgive me right now, if I happen to say it meanâ€¦ butâ€¦.
It is very hard for me to reconcile my fathers public persona with the one I knew. They were very, very different.
Sometimes other people say what we are thinking or feeling, and yesterday, I read the words from someone who nailed it on the head for me.
It was from a guy on the pages of HONY, (Humans of New York). He was speaking of his father and said, â€œIt was so hard to get out from under his shadow. He was so known in the community that I couldnâ€™t do anything without people saying: â€˜Thatâ€™s Sharifâ€™s son.â€™ I couldnâ€™t try and fail and be a fuck up, because it was always his name that I was representing. He lived life on his terms. Thatâ€™s who he was. The allure of being a public figure was always greater than the allure of being a present father.â€
I can so relate. Well, not the part about not being a fuck up â€” that didnâ€™t matter, but dads allure of being a public figure taking preference over family ties. Bingo!
My father was well loved and respected in his community. He had such positive impacts on the lives of so many, that it makes my head spin. I am being contacted by so many that are really grieving his passing.
Now, I know everyone grieves in a different way, and make no mistake about it, I am grieving. But, I saw that one guy, who apparently really loved my dadâ€¦. well, he has had my dads signature tattooed on his arm in memory! No Shit! Who does that? I can not relate to this.
I am reminded that this is another opportunity for growthâ€¦ and once again I feel I am the 5 foot woman in the 50 foot dress.
Families â€” relationships â€” death â€” grieving â€” relating … can be difficult.