September 15th, 2015 by Jan

My bloggy thing — my thoughts. I will say what I mean and mean what I say, and forgive me right now, if I happen to say it mean… but….

It is very hard for me to reconcile my fathers public persona with the one I knew. They were very, very different.

Sometimes other people say what we are thinking or feeling, and yesterday, I read the words from someone who nailed it on the head for me.

It was from a guy on the pages of HONY, (Humans of New York). He was speaking of his father and said, “It was so hard to get out from under his shadow. He was so known in the community that I couldn’t do anything without people saying: ‘That’s Sharif’s son.’ I couldn’t try and fail and be a fuck up, because it was always his name that I was representing. He lived life on his terms. That’s who he was. The allure of being a public figure was always greater than the allure of being a present father.”

I can so relate. Well, not the part about not being a fuck up — that didn’t matter, but dads allure of being a public figure taking preference over family ties. Bingo!

My father was well loved and respected in his community. He had such positive impacts on the lives of so many, that it makes my head spin. I am being contacted by so many that are really grieving his passing.

Now, I know everyone grieves in a different way, and make no mistake about it, I am grieving. But, I saw that one guy, who apparently really loved my dad…. well, he has had my dads signature tattooed on his arm in memory! No Shit! Who does that? I can not relate to this.

WTF tatoo

I am reminded that this is another opportunity for growth… and once again I feel I am the 5 foot woman in the 50 foot dress.

Families — relationships — death — grieving — relating … can be difficult.

4 thoughts on “onrelating

  1. randy

    I’ve been checking your “bloggy thing” wondering about your dad and sadly today I read he’s gone. I knew your dad from when he rode with Ken and I in a Cycle Oregon some 20+ years ago. It’s a sad milestone in life when both parents are gone and it takes a long time to process. For me the process brought about the realization my parents were just normal imperfect people which I found liberating. I wish you peace and comfort as you process your grieving.

  2. heather

    Who does that? Well my guess is people that like tatoos and are of a dramatic bent of personality. Keep growing my friend, we all need you to look to on how it’s done.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *