December 17th, 2013 by Jan

Merry Christmas and Solstice Blessings or whatever it is you like to hear this time of year. I’m already done with it all. I know have a short attention span, but I peaked early.

I gave it a good run. I think I started too fast and too early. I’ve already sent out presents, wrote cards, went to two choir concerts, decorated a very sad “recuse” tree with ornaments that hold stories. We still have a ham dinner with friends, planned for Thursday, and I’m hoping I still have a present or two to open, but for the most part. I’m done.


I’m not unsentimental, I cry and watch the Christmas movies on TV. And not just the standards of It’s A Wonderful Life, but also the shows where some kid has a brain tumour or cancer, and the town or a dog, or his real mother, comes to his rescue spreading love and light. Also, the movies about the simple and plain girl who falls in love with the fancy man, and transforms until he finally sees that she is the perfect girl for him too, no matter what his family or status says. Blah, blah… Is anything better than Christmas magic on Walton’s Mountain?

This is the time when everyone ends up loving each other, and no one ever gets left out when presents are given, and no drunks ever barf at the table, and the tree doesn’t come crashing down because of a family fight. Nope – everyone is happy, bright and gay.

Don’t get me wrong, I like the cookies, the presents, some of the songs, and the lights on the houses. What I don’t like is that it lasts so darn long. Christmas isn’t a day. It is a season, and the season for me is too long.

With all the jingle jangle and joy, over time, Christmas has a way of morphing me from my wonderful life into a sad and melancholy mindset, not the other way around. Too much heartfelt stuff is just too much. I don’t care for the pressure to make all things calm and bright and spirits filled with love and joy and oh, look the perfect, family, gift or__________ fill in the blank.

There is too much time to think and remember and wonder and shop and get excited or angry or sad. Weeks and weeks of ho-ho-ho surpass my tolerance. A little is good, but too much… well, too much has always been my struggle.

Christmas Day is still a full week away and I feel I have celebrated enough and I am ready to move on. Not all joy is spread at this time of the year, and unfortunately, not all memories are good.

So for the next week, I will persevere and as I remember, I will find gratitude for my life and loves. And I will do my best not to sing the Grinch song, but the song from the movie White Christmas….
….“Just count your blessings instead of sheep and you’ll fall asleep counting your blessings.”

4 thoughts on “holidaze

  1. heather g-m

    I hear you Jan. I know quite a lot of people who are in our boat (I definitely have a love/hate thing about Christmas and I don’t think love is winning out any more).

    I do happen to know that you will have more than 1 present to open and hope that cheers you up. I feel weird sometimes sending gifts in December since I’m not Christian and because it seems expected but then I do love to give people things so any excuse to send a little love to the people I love is welcome.


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