November 10th, 2016 by Jan

Ken and I did not leave the U.S.A We had an opportunity to come to Canada and we took it.
It may look the same, but there is a big difference.

Two days after the horrifying election in the states — I, like so many others, are coming out of the shock, while disappointment and fear of what is to come sets in.

Being white, straight, not poor, but mostly, living in a small town in Canada – I am very aware of my privilege and am extremely grateful for it.

But, I don’t feel comfortable just sitting up here, in the North, saying “what a horror, what a shame, so terrible, fucking idiots.”

I may be safe but oh, I’m scared.

I love too many people who who are at risk right now.

Truth be told, I don’t want to be an activist, get involved, I don’t want to fight, write letters, complain or fist pump. I can’t watch the trauma, drama unfold and I can’t sleep.

I’m not callous, I’m weary. My heart hurts. I fear for my friends, and I don’t know how to protect or shield anyone from the hate and cruelty that is sure to come, much less stop it.

Honestly, I want to sit on our deck and read books, watch cooking shows on TV, take long walks, pet my dog and love my husband. But — FUCK.

We in Canada (especially us expats) feel like we are watching our neighbours house burn down and all we can do is say, I’ve got an extra room you can stay in, here’s a coat from the cold, and I’ve made soup. Did you start your paperwork?

Somehow, this isn’t enough and yet, for now, I don’t know what else to offer.

Up here, people say, “Not my circus, not my monkeys” but, that just isn’t true. The outcome of this election will affect the entire world.

I have no comfort right now.  I only know that our home is open, I’ve made soup.
If you feel you need to leave — come.

6 thoughts on “Sloppywords

  1. Michael

    Still reeling and numb and feeling guilty about considering moving to Canada. I have the resources to at least take up residency in another country. Feel bad for the wonderful people here who don’t have that option. Trying to figure it all out. So very very very sad for the people of my country, and for the people of the world.

  2. Kim

    I love you. I’m glad you and Ken live in Canada. There always has to be a witness and a room. And soup. And contests. Keep ’em coming, friend. Keep ’em coming.

  3. nancy

    nice word jamming on this tragic situation. It feels like there has been a death in the family of humanity. It calls for huge intentional and random acts of kindness and connection. thanks Jan, your spirit heals


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