February 8th, 2015 by Jan

The body knows.
I am not ignorant to the stress of life. I know how the body reacts to drama and trauma — or joy and celebrations, even when the mind reacts in a different manner.

I’ve learned to stand inside myself, feel what I feel and do my best not to drown the feelings with outside substances. I know my centre. And right now, I’m tired.

I admit to being overwhelmed and realize I need to rest.

Ken and I are happy, very happy with the move to Sechelt. I am so grateful for Ken. He is a good man; I am lucky to call him husband.

It’s been just over two weeks since we moved in but, it feels longer— we are home.

Years ago, one of the first big words I learned was cosmopolite. I was told (I didn’t look it up until this morning), I was told it meant, a person who was at home any where in the world. I was very proud that someone had defined me as such. They didn’t know that on the contrary, I had no home in the world, so I moved in where ever I happen to be, giving the impression of a cosmopolite! I guess I was destine to learn tai chi and find home no matter where I went or how I felt.

While the last two weeks have been good and full of change, in that same amount of time there has been great loss. Kim’s death hurt my heart. My brothers death took me down.

Last night I slept for 10 hours and that was after a day of doing nothing all day. I sat on the sofa, read and watched TV. I watched a candle burn. I went through photos. I cried.

I am awake to my life, and for the most part how I feel in it. Right now, I’m very tired and just need to rest.

This is a photo of how I remember Bill.
He lived hard. I know we loved each other as best we could.

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