thisagain

October 21st, 2014 by Jan

I did it. I went to the Dr. I got poked, prodded, and peeked at yesterday. All the big stuff seems to be just fine. I do have a little wax build up in my ears and that could explain why I am always saying, “What?” to Ken.

I was surprised a bit by one thing though and now because I saw it, I need to change it and well, here comes the post about fucking change again!

I know change comes from doing or not doing things on a continual and persistent basis.

For some reason it goes like this… we decide to make a change. Say, we quit drinking or smoking. Then we start to feel better, so while we are on this roll, we decide to make another change, we start jogging or take up yoga. Now, while we are at it, we become vegetarians, no — vegans! And then we decide to train for a marathon and go to an ashram in India and on our way to perfection… we slip and drink again, or realize we gained 10 extra pounds.

 And the problem is we honestly are shocked because we were doing so well and can’t believe everything just fell apart.

Or, in my case I get complacent and think I’m doing so well on this front, that THAT front doesn’t matter.

This is why I like bumper sticker philosophy like Today’s Step offers. I need simple slogans and constant reminders. Easy does it and first things first… blah, blah, blah….

we’ve heard it all before. It seems I need to hear it again and again,

Thanks to years of Tai Chi practice, it is easy to look back and see personal transformation. I’ve learned it takes persistence to change, but more than that,  I need a deep seated feeling that what I do matters. And because of this, and because I am a creature of habit. Over the years I developed some habits that are good for myself, and others.

I’ve also developed a few that need to change.

As much as I’d like to click my heels and snap my fingers — I know I need to wake up and do different on some fronts.

I can’t say I’ve changed a habit until the “no matter what” comes into play for me. 

I will not drink, no matter what! I will take a walk and practice every day, no matter what. I will kiss and hug Ken everyday, no matter what. I will eat popcorn and cookies everyday… oh wait. I see the problem.

Dammit.

1 thought on “thisagain

  1. Jenny

    Gee, I started to write ‘piece of cake, Jan’, then realized the sugary pun and lack of insight on my part, because, frankly, what you’re saying is this is hard to give up.

    I’m not going to make excuses or offer suggestions, I’m just recognizing that stuff that is really a sacrifice or a big kahuna for one person, might be insignificant for another. What I do reflexively and what I do intentionally is sometimes super challenging; sometimes not.

    I trust you’ll figure out what is important here, what trumps all, and then you’ll find a way.

    Reply

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