September 1st, 2014 by Jan

Taking photos is different these days than it use to be. Digital photography with the great delete button has changed everything except passport photos. They still seem to take shitty photos of you for passports. But, for the most part we can click and then hit delete until everyone says, “That one doesn’t suck.”

Today, I’m putting on a little lipstick, brushing my hair, and I’m going to hold my breath, smile and cross my fingers that I take a good picture.

I’m a little nervous. Our friend Peter is coming over to take a portrait photo of me and Ken, in about an hour.

Why I’m nervous is because, I don’t think I take good pictures. Blah, blah, blah… I am not here to argue the point. I’m just saying I don’t like photos of myself much.

My self esteem is good enough and I like who I am. I’m comfortable in my own skin and all that jazz. That is until, I see a photo of myself…. then I get quite judgemental. Sometimes I say something and sometimes I don’t, but usually I’d like to just delete it!

I can look back at photos taken of me over the years, and I can tell you exactly what I was thinking when the photo was being snapped in most every one of them. And although I may be smiling, I will say in most shots, I was probably sucking in my stomach, and worrying that my hair was a mess. I am still super uncomfortable when any camera comes out.

I know it will be nice to have a formal photo of us. I know I will probably share it and order an 8X10 and two wallet size copies. After all, Peter offered this gift with love and generosity and I’m counting on his skill as a photographer.

Secretly though, I hope he is good enough that with the right light, I don’t look just like my mother and that he is able to catch a genuine smile. I also hope the Spanks I’m wearing will do the job they were created to do.


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