October 20th, 2012 by Jan

Have you ever been doing one thing and thinking you should be doing something else?

Getting my body and my head in the same place at the same time is a gift and something that takes a mindful practice. I think it is more the norm to be split than it is to be present.

Perhaps that’s why when we are present it feels so good.

Ever since I came back from New Mexico, I’ve felt split. My body is here and yet most of my thoughts are there. I woke up yesterday morning and I wasn’t exactly sure where I was. It took a moment for me to get my bearings and realize I am in the house I call home.

When I was in New Mexico, I wanted to be here and needed to call on my practice of being present by actually looking at my feet to see where and how I was standing. For the last week since being home I feel I “should be” in New Mexico and am looking at my feet to see where and how I am standing.

But, I think I am looking too far away, because the split is not in where I stand. The split is between my head and my heart. So I need to give closer attention to the bridge that connects the two.

My throat, neck and shoulders need the attention right now; not my feet.

Being split this way is like chewing on a little piece of grizzle; I need to either spit or swallow, in order to clear the pathway, and get my bits lined up again. I don’t like just chewing.

Lucky for me — there’s a practice for that.

3 thoughts on “Split

  1. heather

    Ah, Jan. I feel ya.

    I think this may be one of those times where there is no comfortable answer. There are only options that all have some discomfort involved and none seem “right”. Where the nature of the time itself is to be conflicted. At least that’s how I see them when they come up in my life.

    I love the piece about paying attention to throat neck and shoulders as the bridge between head and heart – I need to do that too and had never thought of it that way.

    glad you have your practice to keep you strong.


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