Iâ€™ve talked in the past about a way to measure the health of a person. Doctors measure it with how long it take an excited heart rate to return to a resting state. The measure Iâ€™m talking about is the speed we can travel between a jolt of fear or anger and return to a state of serenity.
I know serenity. For the most part I live a peaceful and happy life. And if I do say so myself, Iâ€™ve paved that road with practice, mindful work and hanging around people who love me.
And every once in a while I hit a pothole hard, and the need for some serenity road work raises its head.
I quote Janice Wood a lot with one of my favourite sayings. â€œThere is always more to learn, but I have no regrets.â€ It is a brilliant and wonderful mindset I like to practice. NO REGRETS!
There is also the matter of resentment. The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says a lot about resentments and a main one is HARBOURING OF RESENTMENTS IS FATAL.
Today I found myself stuck right between the two sides of regret and resentment.Â It has been a crappy morning and Iâ€™ve ranted, cried, wrote a few letters, and made a few phone calls and stewed in R&R and finally began to regain a sense of serenity.
At first I thought it was an either / or type of deal. If I choose not to have a regret â€” then surely I’m stuck with resentment. But then, I become the holy one who piously and with attitude, does the next right thing. with the back of my hand plastered to my forehead. Then I remember for me, resentment is worse than regret. Regret is personal and deep, but resentment oozes out of my pores for all to see, and itâ€™s ugly.
Somethings go well together â€” blueberries and raspberries, chocolate and peanut butter, yin and yang. Somethings donâ€™t go well together at all. Regret and resentment is a double whammy, but choosing one over the other doesnâ€™t work either.
Iâ€™d like to say I dabbled in both today, but really I wallowed. Together and separately, and it has been a miserable morning.
The only thing I know how to do to regain my comfort is to shake them off, voice my truth, and slowly and simply, choose to do the next right thing.
That next right thing for me today is to buy another ticket to New Mexico and do what I can to help.
I want neither resentment or regret in my life. When they do rise up inside me, with support and this knowledge, I will do my best not to settle for one or the other, but to keep them both moving along.
R&R is not what it used to be!