May 15th, 2015 by Jan

Something I wrote in my last bloggy post has been bugging me. Instead of going back and deleting it or re-writing, I thought I’d spend a bit of time writing on it and see what I can learn.

I wrote that I like to keep my head in the sand on topics I can’t do anything about.

Well, that is and isn’t true.

I don’t watch the news. I close my eyes at horrible happenings. I don’t watch movies with violence and I scroll pass most links on the interweb that focus on the drama and trauma in the world. I do not want the images of catastrophe in my mind, and I like a good nights sleep and am not easily satisfied with sending a cheque to help out.

Yes, I am privilege enough to have this option. I know it and I am grateful for it. I know how lucky I am to live where I live. I am safe and loved and I know there are millions of people in the world who cannot say that, have never felt it, and in reality, will never know it.

I’ve never been in a serious flood, earthquake, or fire. As far as I’m concerned I haven’t been knowingly discriminated against. The only time I was arrested, I wasn’t shoved about or choked. Yes, I have been abused by cops, employers and teachers; I have been used and hurt in the past. I’ve known violence. I did not know the road I was on would turn, but it did. I am lucky and grateful.

I know everyday is a huge struggle for many people, some of them I know and love, and most others I will never meet. There is no doubt I have a great life, and yet because I wrote what I wrote, I feel the need to say — I abhor racism, sexism, and most all the “isms” society struggles with. And, while I am not an activist today, I will shut you down, speak up, and reach out when I need to.

I do my best to walk my talk. It’s just at this time in my life, I prefer easy walking to hard talking.

Writing this is the kind of thing that makes my privileged life sound a little sickly and sweet and even condescending. I know just saying I am not a racist is stupid and not enough. I know actions matter.

But, today I am not a cause fighter. I have been. Today I don’t protest. I have. I don’t give money to causes. I have. Everything changes and will change again. Today I am not interested in seeing the horrors of the world. Today I have the privilege of walking in the woods, being safe and loved, and quite selfishly, I’d like to bask in it. My head is in the sand for a reason right now.

I’m not sure where this is going and I do have a lot to think about. I think I know what kind of person I am today. As I stand in the safety of my home and privilege, I dare say, I am the one I hoped to be most all my life.

3 thoughts on “letmebeclear

  1. Laura B

    Jan, I think you are a very courageous woman, who looks as unflinchingly as she can at herself and the world around her. Your honesty, your generosity in sharing it, and your writing ability are real inspirations to me. These things keep me coming back to your blog and keep you in my thoughts and my heart.

  2. Laur

    So true, so true. As I look around and through my life I know those feelings and those thoughts too. We’re not done yet, either of us. But I do stand every day and know that I am indeed a lucky one. Good for you, and good for me, to be able to know the difference. Lucky ones.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *