I have a thing about saying hello and goodbye.

Today I figured out part of the reason I am struggling with my work down at the O. The struggle comes because it is one of the best and most rewarding jobs I’ve ever had, but since the policy changed making qigong “optional” I have struggled to find my place and purpose there.

I’ve tried changing my attitude, as well as my approach, knowing that acceptance is the key to serenity. Still, I just don’t enjoy the class the way I used to.

Yes, there are a few who “love” the qigong and say it makes a big difference in their life and recovery and my heart soars when I am witness. There are others too, who came once or twice, and just never came back for whatever reason. (they don’t tell me why). But, many more clients in the last few months have never even given it a go and I can’t reach what I can’t connect with.

This morning I realized why I feel so impotent down there.

Class starts at 8:45a.m., if you’ve ever taken a class with me, you know I start on time. I may have started a class late one or two times over the 27 years I’ve been teaching, and you can bet, I probably broke out in a sweat or popped a vein in my head because of it! …Anyway, a few minutes before 8:45, I introduce myself to the clients where they are gathered and I say, “Good Morning everybody, I’ll be starting the qigong in a few minutes, and I’d like to invite you to join me.”

Today was no different from any other day and yet, it hit me. Nothing. No one even looked at me, no heads were turned, no eye contact was made, and certainly my good morning, greeting was not returned. Nothing.

Read the first line of this post again.

Acknowledgement is more than just being polite. No one likes being ignored or not seen, and it today it really got to me.

After 11 years at the O the part of this policy change that I hate more than anything is that I have no relationship with the clients any longer. It’s hard to learn someone’s name or share the path if no one looks at you. I know it isn’t all about me, but today I figured out why it feels harder to make a difference.