A lot of stuff is happening. There areÂ little pieces of paper all over my desk again; notes with thoughts that I jot down when I think of them. I’m always thinking I will write or think about them more soon.
And Iâ€™m sure I will.
Other stuff is on my mind as well. A month after the big â€œchangeâ€ at the O and I still donâ€™t really feel any better about being down there. Sure some of clients come and some donâ€™t. I never really know when I begin the day if 3 or 20 will be in the class. It’s hard and what makes it really hard for me is I don’t feel good doing what I’m doing, and that is not good.
Not good at all.
I do have a meeting next week with the powers that be to chat about the changes and the future. Iâ€™m grateful I did not shake my fist in the air a month ago and yell, Fuck you, like I really wanted to. The time helped me explore and think and open up to new ideas and expectations. Iâ€™ve learned more about myself as a teacher, an addict and a bit about treatment centres. Iâ€™m reading an interesting book titled Inside Rehab. The book is good, filled with info and new ideas.
Change is constant and my work at the O will ultimately come down to how I feel about the way I spend my time and my life force. Iâ€™m looking forward to the meeting next week.
On another note, my dad is having more health troubles.
I talk to him often. He sounds good and says he feels well. He hasnâ€™t had any chest pains for a month now, and repeats that he feels good. But now, his Dr. tells him his prostate cancer has spread and metastasized into his bones.
Dad is shaken with this information, but I reminded him that how he feels today is not different from how he felt yesterday.
Seems the quality of your day and how you feel about it, really does make up the quality of your life.