October 13th, 2014 by Jan

When was the last time you changed your mind?

And I’m not talking about wanting chicken for dinner and changing your mind about it, because someone showed up with steak.

I’m talking about changing a really strong stance. One you’ve held for a super long time.

Each morning when I run the guanqifa through my body and mind, I say either out loud or to myself — “Let go of old ideas and expectations.” Then I keep going with letting go of resentments and regrets. Over the years, the resentments and regrets, get smaller and smaller and one day, not all that long ago, I realized one of my strongest resentments — was gone. Done and done. I’ve always credited the guanqifa to this gentle way of letting go. And then I move on.

So, this morning – I raised my hands and while bringing in the pure and the clean – I got a flash of insight. I think I have changed my mind about something big.

Now, this may be too personal for some of my loyal readers, but then again I always write as if no one is listening, and I do warn at the top of this page that this bloggy thing is the place where I practice scribbling my thoughts, post photos, and allow rambling insights. So, here goes.

My last pap smear and mammogram, or if they called it like it really is — boob smash, was in 2001. I’ve been to a western Doctor twice since then. Once for antibiotics, that my dentist recommend before I got a root cannal, and once to get a weird skin thingy taken off.

The antibiotics did not go well. I found myself green, on Jim and heathers floor, in the fetal position for most of the weekend that I was to be teaching. The skin thingy was removed without incident.

But, I hold strong and long beliefs that doctors are not my friend. That if I go to them, they will feel it is their job to assign me a number of some such, and that number will be out of the range of normal, and they will suggest I take medication, get some invasive test, surgery, or some such other ridiculous thing, that I have already made up my mind not to do, so why go to a doctor? (I’d probably go if I broke my arm or needed stitches.)

I figure if one day I wake up dead — so goes it. I am not interested in finding out anything!

And then today — with my hands in the air, I thought about letting go of an old idea.

This thought wasn’t sudden, it has been on my mind since last week, when I dreamed that my friend Kim asked me to get a check up. I laughed and laughed and told her no. Then something else happened in the dream, like we went for ice cream on a rocket ship with a rabbit, or something, and when it was time, I woke up.

Yesterday I had another conversation about it with a friend I walk with a lot. (Full disclosure, this friend is also a general practice doctor) She of course was in favour of it. Still, I hold on to old ideas and expectations longer than most — so, I said, no.

Then as my hands lowered this morning, for the third time, I had two thoughts. One was to realized my mind just might be changed, and the other was to wonder what other strong ideas I have that might one day be changed.

I may actually go to a doctor on purpose. I am open to getting my boobs smashed and a very invasive pap done. I may even get on a scale, and get my blood pressure taken. I might even get some blood work done and find out what my cholesterol is. I may – I may have changed my mind — and I may go get some numbers.

Now, I don’t know if I’ve changed my mind enough to do anything about them if they come back wonky. But, I will keep raising my hands and letting the pure and clean wash over, around and through me. I will keep asking for old ideas and expectations to leave, so I can stand strong in myself knowing my centre, so that boundaries stay very clear.

And I won’t be surprised when I get what I ask for.

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