When was the last time you changed your mind?
And Iâ€™m not talking about wanting chicken for dinner and changing your mind about it, because someone showed up with steak.
Iâ€™m talking about changing a really strong stance. One you’ve held for a super long time.
Each morning when I run the guanqifa through my body and mind, I say either out loud or to myself â€” â€œLet go of old ideas and expectations.â€ Then I keep going with letting go of resentments and regrets. Over the years, the resentments and regrets, get smaller and smaller and one day, not all that long ago, I realized one of my strongest resentments â€” was gone. Done and done. Iâ€™ve always credited the guanqifa to this gentle way of letting go. And then I move on.
So, this morning – I raised my hands and while bringing in the pure and the clean – I got a flash of insight. I think I have changed my mind about something big.
Now, this may be too personal for some of my loyal readers, but then again I always write as if no one is listening, and I do warn at the top of this page that this bloggy thing is the place where I practice scribbling my thoughts, post photos, and allow rambling insights. So, here goes.
My last pap smear and mammogram, or if they called it like it really is â€” boob smash, was in 2001. Iâ€™ve been to a western Doctor twice since then. Once for antibiotics, that my dentist recommend before I got a root cannal, and once to get a weird skin thingy taken off.
The antibiotics did not go well. I found myself green, on Jim and heathers floor, in the fetal position for most of the weekend that I was to be teaching. The skin thingy was removed without incident.
But, I hold strong and long beliefs that doctors are not my friend. That if I go to them, they will feel it is their job to assign me a number of some such, and that number will be out of the range of normal, and they will suggest I take medication, get some invasive test, surgery, or some such other ridiculous thing, that I have already made up my mind not to do, so why go to a doctor? (I’d probably go if I broke my arm or needed stitches.)
I figure if one day I wake up dead â€” so goes it. I am not interested in finding out anything!
And then today â€” with my hands in the air, I thought about letting go of an old idea.
This thought wasnâ€™t sudden, it has been on my mind since last week, when I dreamed that my friend Kim asked me to get a check up. I laughed and laughed and told her no. Then something else happened in the dream, like we went for ice cream on a rocket ship with a rabbit, or something, and when it was time, I woke up.
Yesterday I had another conversation about it with a friend I walk with a lot. (Full disclosure, this friend is also a general practice doctor) She of course was in favour of it. Still, I hold on to old ideas and expectations longer than most â€” so, I said, no.
Then as my hands lowered this morning, for the third time, I had two thoughts. One was to realized my mind just might be changed, and the other was to wonder what other strong ideas I have that might one day be changed.
I may actually go to a doctor on purpose. I am open to getting my boobs smashed and a very invasive pap done. I may even get on a scale, and get my blood pressure taken. I might even get some blood work done and find out what my cholesterol is. I may – I may have changed my mind â€” and I may go get some numbers.
Now, I donâ€™t know if Iâ€™ve changed my mind enough to do anything about them if they come back wonky. But, I will keep raising my hands and letting the pure and clean wash over, around and through me. I will keep asking for old ideas and expectations to leave, so I can stand strong in myself knowing my centre, so that boundaries stay very clear.
And I wonâ€™t be surprised when I get what I ask for.