Sailing, sailing, sailing the ocean blue!

Ken and I are off for a cruise and no interweb, just beautiful sights and the buffet table!

I also just realized I’ve marked all the June posts with the May 2013 Category. Oh well, I’m off cruising!

I’m going off the grid for a bit. Or at least I think I want to. To tell the truth, I don’t think it will be easy and I may need treatment or detox or a patch of something. Still, tomorrow I’m thinking of leaving it all behind and parking my rear end on the lido deck for a week, as Ken and I and 1800 others cruise the inside passage on a love boat.

I’m sure with a big cruise ship there will be access to wi-fi, but I think I’ll take a break from the world wide web.

It is funny that I actually need to talk myself into this. I am quite plugged in. I joke that I don’t have a cell phone, but I do have an iPad, itouch, mac pro and air and spend A LOT of time on all of them. I have a few Words With Friends games going, Facebook, the Bowen forum and email gets checked throughout the day. I do write – I sometimes post, and I check out the sites of Jim, Jenny, Ben and my horoscope everyday.

But a cleanse of sorts seem like a good idea. And what better place than on a big ass cruise ship with Ken and pretty scenery to enjoy.

I’m packing the camera, some books and an old fashion notebook and  pen. I’ll tell you all about the trip and the sights when we get back. I’ll catch up with what you are doing then too. And a special note to my WWF friends — you can “nudge” me, but it wont do any good.

And like everything in my life — I reserve the right to change my mind!

It’s been over two years since I announced I would take a sabbatical from teaching tai chi. And yet yesterday I was asked if I was still busy with travel and classes. Even two years later, my reputation precedes my reality. I enjoyed telling the lady that I’m not in the least bit busy, and that I am amazed at how fast a day can go by when all I did was look out the window.

I love the art of tai chi and I love teaching. Being a teacher is what I always wanted to be and when I found tai chi, I found my calling. Taking time off has been good for me too.

Last November, when I was in New Mexico with my father, I agreed to teach a private lesson to a man who would be visiting BC this June. Last November, this June seemed pretty far away, so it was easy to say yes to the lesson. Also, I agreed because this man studied with Sam in Germany and Sam suggested he take a lesson.

I’ve turned down teaching offers quite often in the last two years. Sometime I think I don’t have much to offer as I’m out of the teaching habit. I don’t think of lesson plans and over the years, I’ve learned to trust my personal manual. I know my body, practice and years of study will kick in as soon as a question comes up or I cross arms with someone. Lesson unfold when we are open to them.

Picking a topic of study is a good thing, but like I said, I’ve trusted the, “Let’s see what comes up” type of lesson when I teach.

So yesterday, the man I agreed to teach last November came to Bowen Island for a lesson.

We trusted and agreed through email the “let’s see what comes up” style of lesson. We should have been more clear. What came up was the fact that we study different paths under the Tai Chi umbrella.

After a bumpy start as we looked for common ground; I worked up the courage to ask the man if he would mind very much if we passed on the lesson.

I have learned that it is no good to fake an understanding of what we don’t understand. He happily agreed and we decided to go to the beach and look at the sea instead. It worked out quite well.

I am reminded I can only teach what I know and am grateful to know, I won’t pretend to teach what I don’t know! And, still, it was good to open the door to teaching again.

Some days it’s easy to keep my feet on the ground! Other days, a target gets my attention.

W. C. Fields said, “Anyone who hates children and dogs can’t be all bad.”

I’m not saying I’m all bad… but…. I was accused the other day of being the equivalent to a racist or sexist or some other terrible person with strong ideas about a certain segment of society. In my case, children. Put in that format, I suppose it is true. We have very few children in our lives. Very few.

Children bug me. I’m not a fan and well, I have no apologies for my feelings. Oh, of course I’m not speaking about YOUR child — your child is special and above average! I’m speaking of the other children. The loud ones, with half eaten sandwiches hanging out of their mouths, and snot bubbles in their noses. The ones that break your stuff and command the centre stage of life.

There is a reason Ken and I don’t have children. Social services would be on speed dial if we did and it wouldn’t be for our protection. Call me a childist if you like, I can live with that and again, I don’t think I’m all bad. And now I totally see why Mr. Fields would group dogs and kids together in his famous quote.

Our one and a half year old, great nephew, Tyler is visiting. (I think we have only had one other kid in this house in all these years, Nick was here for the night in 2001.) Tyler brought his parents with him because someone has to carry his stuff after all.

One thing I’ve come to realize about all this is there isn’t much difference between Moser and Tyler really. Both play with the same toys, we speak to them both the same way and expect about the same stuff in return from them. Both are still being trained, but with Tyler, we call it learning. Both can make me laugh, both make me nervous and both require great care and watchful eyes.

I also realize all I ask of children and dogs are manners. Hence we teach (or try to teach them) come, sit, stay and go. Those that learn are more enjoyable to be around for sure.

It’s nice that Jen and Jeff (the parents) want Ken and I to be in the life of their child. And I suppose I could open my heart a bit and let Tyer in, after all similar to Moser, he is pretty cute. Especially when the snot bubbles are wiped off.

I like to read in bed and last night I noticed, that on the bedside table I have seven books going.

The last book I read without interruption was The Hundred Year Old Man Who Climbed Out the Window and Disappeared by Jonas Jonasson. It was fantastic. I recommend whole heartedly, it has a place on my top 10 lists of best reads ever.

Since finishing that book though, I’ve started and stopped reading several books.  None has caught me in the same way and I tend to wander in my concentration. Hence seven books on the bedside table.

Ken and I gave away at least 12 boxes of books when we thought we were moving. Now that we aren’t going anywhere, any time soon, I bought a box of books for $2. at the library book sale, and now I have a plethora of topics to choose from.

Right now I am reading:

The Curve of Time by M. Wylie Blanchet. This is an adventure book written by a woman in the 1920s who after her husband died, packed up her five kids and spent each summer on a small boat, exploring the BC coastline. She describes the sights, flora and fauna very well, but I wish she told us more about herself and how everyone spends their day together on a small boat. I am more interested in relationships than of places it seems. Still, she writes well, so I sally forth.

The World’s Strongest Librarian by Josh Hanagarne. I just started this book and I know I am going to love it. A six foot seven, 270 pound librarian, with Tourette Syndrome, in Salt Lake City telling me about his day on the job. My kind of book for sure.

Clean by David Sheff. Heavy, personal, and educational on the topic of addiction. I like how Mr. Sheff speaks of addictions as preventable and treatable. His point of view is that of a father of an addicted child. Powerful and boring. Powerful when he writes about his relationships, boring (to me) when it gets technical. Surprise!

All the Anxious Girls on Earth by Zsuzsi Gartner. This is a collection of short stories. I like having a book of short stories on hand. Less commitment on my part with a good sense of completion. Pondering encouraged.

Amsterdam by Ian McEwan. I’ve started this novel so many times and don’t seem to get anywhere with it. I’ll probably put this one aside soon enough, or keep it in the stack and maybe one day get into it, or not.

You and Your Future by Georgia Nichols. Georgia Nichols is the writer of the horoscope I read each day. I got this book at the library book sale and will only read the Taurus and Leo chapters.

How about you? What are you reading besides this post?

Years ago, Sensei Jim MacDonald die. Jim was a wonderful Takewando instructor on Bowen and led many young people into the martial arts. I was honoured to have Jim study tai chi with me and this entire island grieved when he died.

I remember several things about his memorial service. The first is that the school gym was packed full — hundreds of people came together to morn him. The second thing I remember was that his son sang the song A Nightingale Sang in Barkley Square and it was beautiful. But the biggest take away for me from Jim’s service, was that he wanted everyone to know he died of lung cancer because he smoked. Jim was a good person and good Sensei, he made a positive difference in the lives of so many and he could not model wellness, because he was addicted to cigarettes and he wanted everyone to know about it. He did not want to hide, deny or sugar coat the fact that his death was because of his addiction. He hoped it would serve as one of his last lessons to those who studied with him.

Addiction is NOT a moral problem. In his book Clean, David Sheff states in the preface, “The view that drug use is a moral choice is pervasive, pernicious, and wrong.” I had to look up the word pernicious and what Mr. Sheff writes is true.

I am thinking of this today, because a friend on the island died this week. I was told she had liver cancer, and wasn’t it a shame? No, her death is not a shame. It is terrible and horrible loss, and alcoholism, not cancer, was the cause.

But we tell ourselves and others what they need/want to hear. Somehow, we still prefer to choose the story for comfort — partly because of shame, partly because deep down inside, we may still think that to die of alcoholism is proof positive of a lack of will or morals. Something very shameful.

Benjamin Lo, a student of Chen Man-Ching and Master of Tai Chi himself, told us when we interviewed him for the film Tai Chi People, that he was ashamed, embarrassed really, that he had to have a liver transplant. Instead of being grateful for a cure to his illness, he believed that people would think he probably drank his health away and that he didn’t really deserve a new liver or new chance. He told us, he never drank, right hand held high as he said it. Hoping we believed him, he was embarrassed by his illness and worried about the “stigma” others would put on him.

Lung cancer, liver disease — we point and whisper about the fault of the person getting it. Bad habits, their own darn fault. Do we feel the same upon hearing a friend has breast or prostate cancer? Is getting a brain tumour just bad luck? Perhaps his thinking was all wrong and well, his moral fibre needed more Wheaties.

I’m on a bit of a rant today, because addiction is hell. It is a disease and until we lose the shame and judgement we carry, help is pretty far away from this preventable and treatable disease.

Good people and bad die everyday. And good people and bad people get cancer, alcoholism, sore throats and ingrown toenails. We know certain behaviours give way to certain outcomes. But not always. My grandma had lung cancer and never smoked a day in her life. My step-father, Jack smoked for years and years with nothing but bad breath to show for his habits. WTF?

Alcoholism, left untreated is terminal. But the real problem in my view today, is the story we tell ourselves and each other. Why one story has less shame than another. I guess disease is just that — it makes us all uneasy. Death is even worse; after all it could happen to me and it might even be my fault! What a shame!

I get pretty pissed off when anyone whispers, “well… it’s no surprise; you know… she drank.” But I really get angry when they pretend that she didn’t.

Unless we can be as brave as Sensei Jim and tell the truth in life and death about addiction, we will leave others to tell a more comfortable story. And until we can get past this “moral and shameful crap” and quit thinking that dying of one disease is better and less shameful than another — well, I don’t know the answer I’m looking for. But I would like to.

Yup – I see this bloggy page is still here.

Please let me know if you are interested in coming to a Bowen Island RoughRiderReunion the weekend of August 10th.

You don’t have to be an official RoughRider to attend — just generous, willing to have fun, and share lessons. Oh and there will be a talent show!

If there is enough interest (and it looks like there is) the details will give me something to post about! In the mean time, here is something beautiful to watch.